Grandma’s Rhubarb Relish

By Liane Arno

I THINK you know that I was born in England but my ancestry on my father’s side leans toward the Mediterranean.  My grandmother was from Malta and had a surname of Camelleri which is about as common as Smith where she was born.  My father became obsessed with collecting camels of all sorts as he thought that Grandma’s surname was linked to these bovine creatures. 

As it turns out it is instead linked to the Italian word, ‘Millerai’ which means ‘the thousand culprits’. You have to laugh. All this time he was buying camel ornaments when he should have been nicking them.

Anyway the point of telling you all this is that Grandma used to make rhubarb wine.  She would dutifully get her brew together and leave it to ‘mature’ in her cellar.  Every now and then a loud pop signalled that one of her bottles’ contents had escaped confinement and a sticky mess was the result.

So instead of trying your luck with wine – here is a foolproof and very simple relish that she used to make with any rhubarb that didn’t find itself prepared for the plonk.

Chop into little pieces:

• 750g rhubarb
• 750g onions
• 500g dates

Put into a large heavy bottomed pot along with:

• 5 cups raw sugar
• 750ml brown vinegar
• 1½ tsp curry
• 1½ tsp allspice 
• 1½ tsp mustard seeds
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper

Simmer for 1½ hours with the lid on, removing the lid at the end to allow it to thicken.