Volunteers are the glue that holds our community together, but we need to protect them from the occasional tyrant.
By Liane Arno
OUR council has just presented the Bass Coast Community Awards to a fabulous group of people and organisations. Not everyone can win – but life is like that. Just like you, I volunteer. I have done since I was a child. I would bake cakes for school fetes and was a member of the then newly formed Protect Your Environment Club as a teenager. Work pressures meant little time for volunteering until we came to Bass Coast. We’ve now been involved in a few local committees over the years and have just ‘retired’ from volunteering with Australian Business Volunteers for 20 years.
OUR council has just presented the Bass Coast Community Awards to a fabulous group of people and organisations. Not everyone can win – but life is like that. Just like you, I volunteer. I have done since I was a child. I would bake cakes for school fetes and was a member of the then newly formed Protect Your Environment Club as a teenager. Work pressures meant little time for volunteering until we came to Bass Coast. We’ve now been involved in a few local committees over the years and have just ‘retired’ from volunteering with Australian Business Volunteers for 20 years.
For Matt there were stints at the newly opened Arts Centre acting as a guide to curious art lovers, then at the Kew Hospital for the Insane, that imposing grand building overlooking the Yarra River and filled with people with mental illnesses and intellectual disabilities, often institutionalised for life. He didn’t last long in the role of volunteer carer – it was far too confronting – but moved on to act in various positions with the local footy team which better suited his temperament.
Temperament is what I wanted to talk about. When we go to work, there are rules and there are protocols and hierarchy. It doesn’t always work, but most of the time it does. Paid staff have boundaries.
Community groups are different. There are so many well-meaning and hard-working volunteers who are passionate about what they do but sometimes that passion manifests itself in ways that makes those around them question why they are volunteering. After all, they aren’t “paid to put up with this c#%p!”
I must admit to having been in shock and in tears over the years after receiving correspondence from fellow volunteers who are intent on having their way. I found a diary note of mine which I thought to share with you:
An overhead fan tries to keep me cool in the humidity that is close to the Equator where I am on assignment. But it is not the heat that is keeping me awake – it is a sense of utter despair. A despair that I am powerless to deal with - an insidious crawling sense of unease as I hear of events unfolding back home.
Because I am the victim of a bully. Of course we are all familiar with the bully with fists in school yards, the second year apprentices who want to give as good as they got, the stand over merchants. But my bully is far cleverer than that and more effective as a consequence.
He states mistruths which after a while people start to take on as fact. He misrepresents in subtle ways, ‘forgets’ discussions and denies receiving pertinent emails. He can be so very convincing, so plausible – so devious at masking his intent.
Bullies seek to wear their perceived opponents down – and as I lie under the swirling fan I wonder if he has achieved his desire.
According to the Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, “A volunteer is a person who does a job without being paid for it or offers to do something without being forced to do it.” There is nothing in there about how they should work, or how they should be viewed.
Why do these well-intentioned people become bossy, rude and territorial? Some come from highly paid and senior positions in large corporations and are used to having staff respond ‘appropriately’. It is quite a steep learning curve to learn to work to achieve consensus.
Temperament is what I wanted to talk about. When we go to work, there are rules and there are protocols and hierarchy. It doesn’t always work, but most of the time it does. Paid staff have boundaries.
Community groups are different. There are so many well-meaning and hard-working volunteers who are passionate about what they do but sometimes that passion manifests itself in ways that makes those around them question why they are volunteering. After all, they aren’t “paid to put up with this c#%p!”
I must admit to having been in shock and in tears over the years after receiving correspondence from fellow volunteers who are intent on having their way. I found a diary note of mine which I thought to share with you:
An overhead fan tries to keep me cool in the humidity that is close to the Equator where I am on assignment. But it is not the heat that is keeping me awake – it is a sense of utter despair. A despair that I am powerless to deal with - an insidious crawling sense of unease as I hear of events unfolding back home.
Because I am the victim of a bully. Of course we are all familiar with the bully with fists in school yards, the second year apprentices who want to give as good as they got, the stand over merchants. But my bully is far cleverer than that and more effective as a consequence.
He states mistruths which after a while people start to take on as fact. He misrepresents in subtle ways, ‘forgets’ discussions and denies receiving pertinent emails. He can be so very convincing, so plausible – so devious at masking his intent.
Bullies seek to wear their perceived opponents down – and as I lie under the swirling fan I wonder if he has achieved his desire.
According to the Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, “A volunteer is a person who does a job without being paid for it or offers to do something without being forced to do it.” There is nothing in there about how they should work, or how they should be viewed.
Why do these well-intentioned people become bossy, rude and territorial? Some come from highly paid and senior positions in large corporations and are used to having staff respond ‘appropriately’. It is quite a steep learning curve to learn to work to achieve consensus.
There is resentment when ‘newbies’ come on board with new ideas and suggestions. Everyone wants things done properly, but what does that mean?
Others have little control in their lives and are now given the responsibility of a role on the committee and luxuriate in their new-found power.
Everyone is emotionally invested in the outcome but many aren’t trained in conflict resolution or are simply used to having their ‘orders’ followed. There is resentment when ‘newbies’ come on board with new ideas and suggestions. Everyone wants things done properly, but what does that mean? After a while volunteers slip by the wayside because it is all too hard.
We can’t let that happen. Can you imagine the situation without volunteers? The last estimate, by the Volunteering Victoria’s State of Volunteering Report 2020 found there were 2.3 million adult volunteers contributing around 510 million hours with a replacement labour value of $19.5 billion.
Anyone who has taken the time to volunteer will know that special warmth in your very core and the immense satisfaction for doing something good, no matter how small. As volunteers we need to make sure that everyone’s experience is just that because we really do give a c#%p!
So here are some pointers:
Remember these are not ‘bad people’ but they are over-invested, used to being in control, terrified of losing that control and emotionally attached. It doesn’t excuse their behaviour but it may help you to choose tactics that work.
Everyone is emotionally invested in the outcome but many aren’t trained in conflict resolution or are simply used to having their ‘orders’ followed. There is resentment when ‘newbies’ come on board with new ideas and suggestions. Everyone wants things done properly, but what does that mean? After a while volunteers slip by the wayside because it is all too hard.
We can’t let that happen. Can you imagine the situation without volunteers? The last estimate, by the Volunteering Victoria’s State of Volunteering Report 2020 found there were 2.3 million adult volunteers contributing around 510 million hours with a replacement labour value of $19.5 billion.
Anyone who has taken the time to volunteer will know that special warmth in your very core and the immense satisfaction for doing something good, no matter how small. As volunteers we need to make sure that everyone’s experience is just that because we really do give a c#%p!
So here are some pointers:
- Forget about trying to teach them empathy or to be kind. If there is a bully in your midst don’t try to change them, but limit their influence.
- Call out the behaviour, not the person. Instead of “You are not listening”, say something like, “There are many points of view and speaking over others means that we are not able to hear everyone’s thoughts.”
- Ensure a structured meeting process. Set an agenda with a time limit and stick to it. Encourage written proposals which takes the place of verbal dominance. Use a round robin to ensure all voices are heard. Have a strong president to oversee a process of motions and votes in accordance with the constitution, rules and code of conduct.
- If there are discussions outside of meetings make sure that they are as a group. Make sure everyone is copied in to correspondence so private pressure is not an option.
- Document every conversation, every decision, every event and when it occurred. Make sure you have a paper trail in case there is any dispute.
- Stay calm. You may feel upset but don’t show emotion. Bullies thrive on emotional reaction.
- If it is all too much, walk away, but explain why you are leaving and how things can improve. Sometimes it’s only when good people leave that an organisation realises there is a need for reform to protect future volunteers.
Remember these are not ‘bad people’ but they are over-invested, used to being in control, terrified of losing that control and emotionally attached. It doesn’t excuse their behaviour but it may help you to choose tactics that work.