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Dreams take flight

16/12/2021

24 Comments

 
Picture
Eastern curlews migrate from the northern hemisphere to Western Port. Photo: David Adam

​By Etsuko Yasunaga
 
IT WAS June, around the winter solstice. Like so many things that happened in the last two years, I can’t exactly recall which phases of the lockdowns we were in at that time. Regional Victoria may have had relative freedom but our annual holiday to the Far North wasn’t going to happen yet again. I was walking alone on the beach under the cloudy sky. The air on my face was bitterly cold. I strode against the headwind with my head down, as if I needed more hardship to prove my resilience. Then I caught a swift movement in my peripheral vision. I looked up the sky, and here it was – a migratory bird of some sort. It wasn’t a big bird but her flight was strong. I could sense the determination of this little creature to reach her destination somewhere far away. Suddenly the image of me flying away as a bird was conjured in my mind, and the theme of my first French poem was set firmly.
We just studied the “conditional mood” in French so I tried to incorporate this in my poem to express the subtlety of my feeling. I looked up many words I didn’t know in French in my dictionary, and kept my expression simple. Instead of using complicated structures, I emphasised the intensity of my feeling by repetition. Ultimately my feeling was universal, especially in the global burden of suffering from Covid for so long. I was confident that everyone would understand my strong sentiment even with my limited French.
 
Word by word, sentence by sentence I continued to compose my poem in my third language. The intensity of my emotion surprised me. I realised I had buried the acute pining simply because it was too much to bear. The process of composing a poem allowed me to open the floodgate to my deepest yearning. I felt I finally had a permission to feel and express the feeling which was kept under control for a long time. Once it opened, the longing flowed with ferocity, and continued to intensify. I let it deluge and let it wash over me. At last I could sit with my feeling comfortably. I quietly acknowledged that, like everyone else in the world, I also suffered significantly.
PictureEtsuko expresses the grief of separation from loved ones.
At the recent French Christmas gathering, we received very special gift. Our teacher Bernadette compiled a book of our poems and gave a copy to each of us. We took turns to recite our own poems in French. My poem was fairly long hence the writing on the page was quite small. Unfortunately I forgot my reading glasses on that day, so I sometimes struggled to read every word properly. As soon as I started reading I was transformed to that winter day at the beach when I first conceived the idea. My helplessness and yearning rekindled.  I kept on reading. They were my feelings and my words. They belonged to me. No one else could express them in the way I did, even in a different language. Yet, I also knew that what I expressed belonged to all sentient beings.

​Every word was destined toward expressing the intense pining for my mother. I had a lump in my throat when I reached the words ‘but I’m not a bird, I can’t fly’. I wept. I felt the warm touch of my friend’s comforting hand on my left shoulder, and I heard her voice in my mind. “It’s OK Etsuko, it’s OK.” Bernadette was crying and I saw tears of empathy from fellow students. I took a deep breath then finished reciting my poem. I never felt so safe and protected. I felt everyone’s caring hearts in that instance and I was so glad that I have expressed my innermost feeling and shared it amongst my dearest friends.

 
I’ve translated my poem to English.

If I could
​

If I could I would turn into a bird
A little beautiful bird with powerful wings
So that I can fly long distances
 
If I could I would fly like a little bird
I would fly over Australia, cross the equator, to the northern hemisphere
I would reach Japan where my dear mum lives
 
I'll find her home and perch on her window sill
I would sing a beautiful song for my mum
So that she notices me among the other birds
 
She would speak to me with her soft and gentle voice
Where do you come from? You must have travelled a long way
She would feed me grains of rice and vegetables
 
I would eat grains of rice with my little beak
I would keep singing for her
I would look at her with nostalgia
 
I would cherish the precious moments with my dear mum
Even though she doesn't know it's me
Because I would be with her finally
 
Anytime, soon
I will fly to my dear mum
But I'm not a bird, I can't fly
 
If I could I would turn into a bird
A little beautiful bird with powerful wings
So that I can fly away to see my dear mum​

24 Comments
Anne
16/12/2021 04:28:51 pm

Congratulations on a superb piece of writing and poetry. Your ability to paint a picture with words that create a scene for the reader is incredible and the emotion of the scene certainly reached hearts - just beautiful Etsuko- congratulations 👏

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
16/12/2021 05:44:02 pm

I'm so humbled by your kind words, Anne. I feel things deeply and my words always have to be true. Reaching others' hearts with my writing is ultimate joy of my life. Thank you for taking time to read and write a comment for this special piece. Much appreciated.

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Lois Dwyer
16/12/2021 05:20:51 pm

So beautiful Etsuko. The longing felt when separated by Covid lockdowns is so poignant and so heartfelt. You are such a beautiful writer who writes from the heart and that is what resonates for the reader

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
16/12/2021 05:56:50 pm

Oh Lois you are very caring and special person. I still remember your gentle touch on my shoulder. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry says in Little Prince 'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly'. I believe in that. Thanks for your words of appreciation. I'm deeply touched by them.

Reply
Bernadette
16/12/2021 06:08:23 pm

Oh Etsuko!
Comme c'est beau! (how beautiful it is).
Many people know how talented as a writer you are in English (your second language).
But not many people know how brillant, elegant, grammatically intelligent, full of feelings your French is! (your third language).
I truly admire your persistence.
For you, 'good enough' is simply not enough, in whatever you do! (quoique vous fassiez).
I am so proud to be your French teacher and a friend.
Ce monde est meilleur parce que vous y êtes.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
16/12/2021 08:04:38 pm

Oh Bernadette, your words melt my heart. To receive the last sentence you wrote for me is the most precious thing in my life. We all strive to make a difference to better our world. If I could achieve that with my words, I have no regret in my life. Thank you for your continued guidance and support in my French study. I'm so glad our paths crossed. Profonde gratitude.

Reply
Lynne Craven
16/12/2021 07:56:08 pm

Your poem is very beautiful Etsuko, so full of emotion and we were all very touched by it. You have a special talent for expressing your feelings and emotions in such a wonderful way.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
16/12/2021 08:10:07 pm

Thank you Lynne for your kind words. I don't know any other way to express my feelings and emotions, and so humbled by people's generous comments. I wish I could share some of my Japanese pieces I wrote many moons ago.

Reply
Tess
16/12/2021 09:04:38 pm

Thank you, Etsuko, for this beautifully written piece. You have a very special way of delving deep into your feelings and conveying them so truly and sincerely.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
16/12/2021 09:22:43 pm

Thanks for your compliment, Tess. Truth and sincerity are fundamental value that I find very important in my writing. Your observation means a lot to me. I appreciate your time in both reading my piece and leaving your comment here.

Reply
Grant Taylor
17/12/2021 07:28:36 am

Despite it being such a lovely happy occasion ... and despite having read your poem previously and knowing its intimate thoughts ........ your poem 'caught me out' again for just a fleeting moment, as I thought of who I also wanted to see more than anything else.......from one of those teary fellow students. It is beautifully written. Etsuko.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
17/12/2021 07:59:47 am

To see your name here and read your heartfelt words mean a lot to me. You've been a quiet reader of the Post for many years, I know. It must have taken enormous courage for you to write what you wrote. This time, your honesty brought tears to me. Tears are cathartic, let them well you up de temps en temps. I'm truly humbled by your word, Grant. Thank you.

Reply
Verena
17/12/2021 02:42:57 pm

This story is exquisitely written and I cannot feel other than completely with you, Etsuko. It is telling a love so deep that it warms my heart. Each time I read of you I feel the depth of your being.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
17/12/2021 02:55:03 pm

As a writer, to read words like yours is paramount bliss. To know that my words warmed your heart, and you were completely connected with me through my writing bring greatest happiness. I will cherish your last sentence forever. Thank you Verena.

Reply
Helen Patterson
17/12/2021 03:38:51 pm

As I said Etsuko - every time I have heard you read your superb poem I have cried - both for you and with you. You are such a talented and inspiring woman. I love our French classes together. 😊

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
17/12/2021 03:56:02 pm

Truly incredible, the power of words! We both appreciate the subtlety of expressions, especially in French. It has been delightful sharing laughs, struggles and triumphs in our French lessons, Helen. Thank you for your kind words.

Reply
Maureen Hayes
18/12/2021 10:08:17 pm

Etsûo,how amazing that the source of your poetic inspiiration—a little bird in flight—-could lead to such an emotional outpouring beautifully expressed.& appreciated.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
19/12/2021 04:42:10 pm

I'm utterly humbled by people's appreciation. Byron's quote 'A drop of ink make a million think' rings so true. Thanks for taking time to write your heartfelt comment, Maureen. It means a lot to me.

Reply
Robyn Egan
25/12/2021 10:08:33 pm

I’ve been thinking of you so often since I heard you recite your poem and hoping for a miracle that you could somehow see your mum again soon. There are certain times when we miss our loved ones more than ever, so fingers crossed that your dreams will come true.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
26/12/2021 08:17:36 pm

Oh Robyn, thank you. Through Covid we've learnt lots and appreciate certain things more. A trip home to Japan used to be so easy but not any more. Omicron variant is teaching me patience right now but I am quite optimistic. When time is right, I will be able to see my mother and sister. Hopefully soon. You are such a kind lady.

Reply
Nola Maxfield
26/12/2021 01:50:44 pm

Such a lovely poem. Can we also have it in French? My schoolgirl French might allow me to understand an occasional word.

Reply
Etsuko Yasunaga
26/12/2021 08:21:10 pm

Thank you Nola for your interest in my writing. French version below.

Si je pouvais

Si je pouvais, je me transformerais en oiseau
Un petit bel oiseau aux ailes puissantes
Pour que je puisse voler sur de longues distances

Si je pouvais, je volerais comme un petit oiseau
Je volerais sur l'Australie, traverserais l'équateur, à l'hémisphère nord
J’atteindrais le Japon où ma chère maman vit

Je vais trouver sa maison et je me percherai sur le rebord de sa fenêtre
Je chanterais une belle chanson pour ma maman
Afin qu'elle me remarque parmi les autres oiseaux

Elle me parlerait avec sa voix douce et gentille
D'où viens-tu ? Tu dois avoir voyagé un grand chemin
Elle me nourrirait de grains de riz et de légumes

Je mangerais des grains de riz avec mon petit bec
Je continuerais à chanter pour elle
Je la regarderais avec nostalgie

Je chérirais les précieux moments avec ma chère maman
Même si elle ne sait pas que c'est moi
Parce que je serais avec elle enfin

N'importe quand, bientôt
Je vais voler vers ma chère maman
Mais je ne suis pas un oiseau, je ne peux pas voler

Si je pouvais je me transformerais en oiseau
Un petit bel oiseau aux ailes puissantes
Afin que je puisse voler pour voir ma chère maman

Reply
Pip
8/2/2022 05:16:47 pm

Ettie,

This is one of my favourites, if not my favourite.
I'm reminded of your strength and beauty when I read your words 'I was walking alone on the beach under the cloudy sky. The air on my face was bitterly cold. I strode against the headwind with my head down, as if I needed more hardship to prove my resilience.'

Thank you for sharing. Whilst reading your article and poem I could feel the depth of your sadness and pain. I had that yearning desire to hold your hand and walk on the beach together.

Your love for writing and poetry shines through. Congratulations on all that you endeavour. You continue to bring light and love and meaning to those you meet.

My favourite verse:
I'll find her home and perch on her window sill
I would sing a beautiful song for my mum
So that she notices me among the other birds

And I want to hear you recite it in French next time we meet.
I might fly down and see you soon and sit on your sill and sing to you until you let me in x

Reply
Etsuko
12/2/2022 11:26:31 am

Oh beautiful Pip, your words melt my heart. I could feel you right beside me holding my hand. Your kind and caring presence wraps around me. Thank you for taking time to read my article and share your thoughts and feelings. You don't need to sit on my window sill. I will let you in anytime. See you soon. Much love.

Reply



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