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It's OK to cry. Wayne said so

25/10/2019

5 Comments

 
PictureWayne Schwass: “I absolutely believe in the value and benefits of authentic, genuine conversations about mental health, emotional well being and suicide prevention. We need to make them available to every person.” ​Photo: Geoff Ellis
By Geoff Ellis

​WITH one eye on a clock racing toward the 9pm lights out, I clutch my clipboard and take a deep breath.

Wayne Shwass is in full flight, Beau Vernon’s sitting amongst 100 people on the edge of their seats and I’m about to become famous as that guy who made Wayne Schwass shut up.  

Local psychologist Terry Melvin, who cofounded the MensLine Australia phone service, had kicked off the event three hours earlier. As MC, I welcomed everyone in the Phillip Island RSL Anzac Room and explained why we were there on a Friday night. The room was full of people who were starting a conversation about preventing suicide.

Through my work on Council I’m closely associated with groups of people who are more likely to leave us far too soon. LGBTIQ, First Nations and farming people are tragically overrepresented in the figures relating to suicide.

Many of us have been touched by people taking their own lives. Most of us want to do more. We’re just not sure how. 

That’s what this forum was about. Many people believe that saying nothing is the safest way to help someone who has lost all hope.

People worry about using the wrong words. Or making things worse when talking to someone who could be thinking of taking their own life.

Words, any words, can help to lift someone. Caring conversations matter and you don’t need to be an expert; you just need to be there for them.

In 2018, Beyond Blue released a report, based on conversations with experts and a survey of over 3000 people from all walks of life.

Those 3000 people included people who had not been affected by suicide, people who had been touched by suicide and people who had attempted suicide.

The key message from this report is that having someone listen with empathy and care and offers of support is a bridge across the abyss of hopelessness.

Though the evening evidence of what works was presented to an enthusiastic group of people who explored how to apply this knowledge within our community.

“Everyone has their ups and downs,” Beau Vernon said during an on-stage interview. “I want to help people so that they can live the best life they can, no matter the situation.” 

The senior coach of the premiership-winning Phillip island Football Club spoke about life after the spinal cord accident that left him a quadriplegic. Rehab, physio and the moment he was alone in a room, not even able to turn the page of a book. That mobile phone was well out of reach. He spoke about the support from his family, friends and his football family that got him across the low points. His wife was an essential part of that support and he can't thank her enough.

AFL legend Wayne Schwass enrolled everyone in his journey to becoming a mental health advocate. Schwass came out as having depression back in 2006, when sportsmen hid their frailties.  Here he was an incoming tide of words. This was the ninth event he had spoken at during the week, with a weekend ahead of him. That’s one small  measure of his commitment.

He explained the cruel “boys don’t cry” ethic imprinted on his young mind and cited that as the start of a journey that saw him taking the field with three mental health issues and the effects of self-medication. It became a self-fulfilling downward spiral.

Wayne gave us permission to cry. "Every emotion is a good emotion," he said.

One thing that was re-enforced through-out the evening was some simple discussion protocols around suicide. Basically, when talking about suicide, we need to avoid graphic depictions and idealisation.

This forum focused on community capacity building rather than treatment and service provision. It was held under the banner of the Bass Coast Suicide Prevention Project.

It has started a conversation to build a community safety net that will help to prevent suicide and concluded with white boards full of potential.

Did we make the 9pm curfew? Nearly. We respectfully paused for the ode, "Age shall not weary them ..." then resumed the discussion. People drifted away until Mick Green turned off the lights well after 10pm. Those conversations continue to grow.

More info? Visit www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention.
Picture
A light moment to end a serious night. Photo: Geoff Ellis
5 Comments
John Coldebella.
29/10/2019 04:05:12 pm

Congratulations (if that's the appropriate word) to all involved in this recent forum, and to Geoff for writing this article. The zero comments after four days since publication says a lot about what a painfully difficult subject this is to engage in. Former Bass Coast Councillor Drew Bradley and his wife are also to be commended for their initiative in a dark subject that invariably affects all of us.

Reply
Phyllis Papps
30/10/2019 11:02:01 am

Suicide has such a major impact on peoples lives. Throw a pebble in a pond and see the waves that spread. Starting from family, friends, colleagues and the community in general. The impact is horrendous and devastating. Also it has a lasting impact for so many decades for those involved.
What a waste of someone's precious life when it could have been prevented.
It is absolutely essential to provide support services and counselling for everyone affected. The community is starting to feel very safe that these services are now provided (as opposed to the 1960s, 1970s.)
BUT we all must be very mindful of someone who is possibly 'at the edge' or in a 'black hole.'
To say: "Are you ok? probably is TOO simplistic.
I don't have any answers.
I'm sure there are many people who will react to my comment.

Reply
Joy Button
2/11/2019 09:48:21 am

Phyllis I am replying to your comments as you asked for some feedback. I have lost a daughter through suicide and actively involved in a local group under the auspices of Support After Suicide for those who have lost someone through suicide. Personally, there is just not enough beds and services available to support people to get back on their feet. The nearest beds are in Traralgon and there are just not enough for the growing townships.
There just needs to be places for people to go to to receive support and help in getting back on track. At present you hear really sad stories of people being discharged far too early because of lack of beds.
I support all the publicity and discussion about suicide and the effects, but there is still not enough support out there to help people. And that is sad as mental health is still not a priority in health care.

Reply
John Coldebella
30/10/2019 05:41:19 pm

Geoff, after re-reading your article, I have a question. Can you elaborate on the 'need to avoid idealisation'? I'm not sure what was meant by this.

Reply
Phyllis Papps
3/11/2019 10:31:58 am

Thank you Joy for your very insightful comments. The article you wrote in 2018 about your daughter is embedded in my brain.
Unfortunately- depression, mental health and suicide prevention aren't perceived as major health care issues by any level of government or the health industry.

It then becomes the responsibility of individuals and support groups in the community-similar to the one you are involved in.

Also it is very difficult living in growing townships and rural areas to receive the support services, medication, treatment and on-going support and care that is required.

You are also right about the importance of open discussion, publicity, promotion about suicide and its effects.

Reply



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