Cartoon: Natasha Williams-Novak By Mikhaela Barlow
IT’S HARD to avoid the worst of the news. Not so much the actual facts but the endless speculation, opinion passing for expertise and a parade of shock horror outrages enough to drive the sanest person slightly bonkers. With little else to do, folks are giving full voice to their opinions.
And I reckon some of us should keep your opinions to ourselves. No doubt you’ve heard people complaining about being “stuck at home with the kids”. Granted, parents aren’t teachers, and it’s hard to home-school and work from home at the same time – but what are they thinking?
Comments I’ve read online: “My boss is the vilest, most overbearing, unfair, aggressive bully I’ve ever met. I would gladly go back to work if it means I could escape my kids for a few hours! LOL.” And “I didn’t realise you could love something so much and want to smother them in their sleep at the same time.”
IT’S HARD to avoid the worst of the news. Not so much the actual facts but the endless speculation, opinion passing for expertise and a parade of shock horror outrages enough to drive the sanest person slightly bonkers. With little else to do, folks are giving full voice to their opinions.
And I reckon some of us should keep your opinions to ourselves. No doubt you’ve heard people complaining about being “stuck at home with the kids”. Granted, parents aren’t teachers, and it’s hard to home-school and work from home at the same time – but what are they thinking?
Comments I’ve read online: “My boss is the vilest, most overbearing, unfair, aggressive bully I’ve ever met. I would gladly go back to work if it means I could escape my kids for a few hours! LOL.” And “I didn’t realise you could love something so much and want to smother them in their sleep at the same time.”
I’ve heard things in public like, “I think I’m going to need a year-long break from my kids after this.” And “Honestly, I’m beginning to think it was a bad idea to have kids now. Wish I figured that out fifteen years ago.”
Yes, those are direct quotes. And their kids were standing right next to them.
I’m certain a lot of parents have thought this. I’m sure a lot of parents have even admitted as much to their friends, family and spouses. There isn’t anything wrong with these thoughts in and of themselves – kids can be stressful; we’re living in scary times and there’s a lot going on.
However, there is something wrong with saying it in front of your kids, to your kids, or in a public online forum where your child can read it.
Did those parents never stop to think their kids might stumble across their posts? Did they never think their child might take public shaming personally?
Until now your kids probably watched you go to work before they went to school. If they are teens now, they have probably spent years getting home before you, organising their snack after school without you, doing their homework without you, watching movies and cartoons without you, playing without you, going online and developing a social life without you.
They probably wanted to talk to you when you got home from work, but you were always busy, so they withdrew into their phone instead, which has now developed into a screen addiction that annoys you.
Sound familiar?
There was a glimmer of opportunity with the lockdown – there was time for parents and children who had been distant to get to know each other during this time.
Instead, your children came home for the holidays to read the post, “If my son spends five more minutes on his stupid phone, I’m going to scream. This quarantine thing is going to end up killing one of us. LMAO”
Did you ever stop and ask what they are doing on their phones?
Maybe your daughter is talking to a friend in the US who has written something and wants to publish it online, but it needs a look over and your daughter is offering her brilliant grammar skills?
Maybe your son is working on his latest Dungeons and Dragons game – he’s the Dungeon Master next week for a game hosted on Zoom with six other players from four other countries and he needs to research castle designs so he can lay out the traps strategically.
Or maybe he’s just on YouTube watching an amusing fails compilation video.
Regardless, here’s a suggestion: instead of complaining that your kids won’t involve themselves in your life, or that you can’t find anything to talk to them about, or that they spend too much time on their screens, how about you involve yourself instead? Ask them about their lives and their interests so they will have an incentive to get off the phone.
What do you think is running through children’s minds when they read “I swear these kids aren’t mine! Someone swap with me!”?
Comments like these do irrevocable damage, not only to your relationship with your kids but also to your kids.
Not all parents are like this. Not even most. But enough parents are making it clear to their children that they would rather go back to work and risk their lives in a pandemic than spend time with them.
It might not be what they meant.
But it is what they said, and it is what their kids will remember.
Yes, those are direct quotes. And their kids were standing right next to them.
I’m certain a lot of parents have thought this. I’m sure a lot of parents have even admitted as much to their friends, family and spouses. There isn’t anything wrong with these thoughts in and of themselves – kids can be stressful; we’re living in scary times and there’s a lot going on.
However, there is something wrong with saying it in front of your kids, to your kids, or in a public online forum where your child can read it.
Did those parents never stop to think their kids might stumble across their posts? Did they never think their child might take public shaming personally?
Until now your kids probably watched you go to work before they went to school. If they are teens now, they have probably spent years getting home before you, organising their snack after school without you, doing their homework without you, watching movies and cartoons without you, playing without you, going online and developing a social life without you.
They probably wanted to talk to you when you got home from work, but you were always busy, so they withdrew into their phone instead, which has now developed into a screen addiction that annoys you.
Sound familiar?
There was a glimmer of opportunity with the lockdown – there was time for parents and children who had been distant to get to know each other during this time.
Instead, your children came home for the holidays to read the post, “If my son spends five more minutes on his stupid phone, I’m going to scream. This quarantine thing is going to end up killing one of us. LMAO”
Did you ever stop and ask what they are doing on their phones?
Maybe your daughter is talking to a friend in the US who has written something and wants to publish it online, but it needs a look over and your daughter is offering her brilliant grammar skills?
Maybe your son is working on his latest Dungeons and Dragons game – he’s the Dungeon Master next week for a game hosted on Zoom with six other players from four other countries and he needs to research castle designs so he can lay out the traps strategically.
Or maybe he’s just on YouTube watching an amusing fails compilation video.
Regardless, here’s a suggestion: instead of complaining that your kids won’t involve themselves in your life, or that you can’t find anything to talk to them about, or that they spend too much time on their screens, how about you involve yourself instead? Ask them about their lives and their interests so they will have an incentive to get off the phone.
What do you think is running through children’s minds when they read “I swear these kids aren’t mine! Someone swap with me!”?
Comments like these do irrevocable damage, not only to your relationship with your kids but also to your kids.
Not all parents are like this. Not even most. But enough parents are making it clear to their children that they would rather go back to work and risk their lives in a pandemic than spend time with them.
It might not be what they meant.
But it is what they said, and it is what their kids will remember.