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The banana files

20/7/2019

8 Comments

 
Picture“Who owns the banana?”
Wonthaggi's Maddy Harford and Harry Freeman found themselves on the wrong side of the law when they crossed the border. 

By Maddy Harford

HAVING felt our way through a dust storm north of Mildura, where we sometimes couldn’t see the car right in front of us, we came upon a quarantine disposal point, just inside SA, requiring us to divest ourselves of the beautiful fruit we bought earlier.  Fronting up to the quarantine station a kilometre further on, a chap with ostentatious diamond stud earrings went through the car and trailer assiduously and found a banana that Harry missed when cleaning out the esky.

Standing before us, the officer asked: “Who owns this banana?”

M&H (in unison): “Both of us.”

“I will ask again: who owns this?”

M&H: “Oh, for god’s sake, you’re not serious?”

“Who bought the banana?”

H: “OK (I’ll play your silly game) I did.”

“Please provide your driver’s licence.”

Once H’s licence was in his hands, the officer then directed us to drive the car through the checkpoint  to a side lane where Harry was directed into an interview room and read his rights (literally like in the movies).

H: “Am I under arrest?” 

H’s rights were repeated. “Do you understand?”

“OK. Yes, I understand.”

There followed a series of questions, starting with “What was the intended use of the banana?” and followed by several equally laughable queries "Do you have a plant import licence? Do you have a ministerial exemption?" (You had to give him his due, he did find it difficult to keep a straight face at times.) 

“SA is fruit fly free and wants to stay that way. The Minister has instituted a policy of zero tolerance” he said. 

Harry reiterated several times that he accidentally missed the banana when he was emptying the rest of the fruit.

The officer laboriously completed two sides of a form, detailing time, date, location of offence (where the banana was found) and Harry’s statement, acknowledging the importance of quarantine in the fight against fruit fly but pleading accidental offending. He then proceeded to photograph the form, the banana and Harry’s licence, separately and together. 

The paperwork now goes to Adelaide for The Minister to decide on action.  Harry may be put on a community corrections order.  Perhaps he could negotiate his work order to be at Bass Coast Adult Learning. 
​
Watch this space …! 
8 Comments
stanley mcgeagh
21/7/2019 09:55:19 am

I feel an episode of "Utopia" coming on!!

Reply
Robyn Arianrhod
21/7/2019 10:40:47 am

Hilarious article, Maddy! Yes, just right for an episode of "Utopia"!

Surely we all want to keep pests under control, but since when did this country become so authoritarian? Can't imagine what it must be like in a detention centre.

On the up side, I think Harry's already done his community service, though, with all his (and your) work for BCAL, U3A etc!

Reply
Sue Packham
21/7/2019 11:07:32 am

Well Harry, I'm very disappointed in you for giving the Bass Coast area such a bad name - leaves a bad {banana] taste in my mouth.
And of course you both hid that banana specifically to later share it because you couldn't bear being bereft of bananas.
Please don't disappoint me again!

Reply
Graeme Charles
21/7/2019 12:15:19 pm

My mind boggles at the thought of what else you might have intended to do with the banana, other than eat it. Perhaps some other readers may have suggestions for me. Just for future reference of course.

Reply
Sandra Thorley
21/7/2019 12:23:47 pm

Oh Harry, I can't wait until the Bass Coast Chorale resumes after our winter break to question you further on the case of the hidden banana. Was it B1 or B2? I, too would like to know what you intended to do with 'said offender???' What a shame you were not quick enough to grab it and shove it down your throat. Problem them solved! What BANANA???

Reply
Geoff Ellis
21/7/2019 11:33:22 pm

Harry,

If you need a reference let me know!

Reply
Catherine Watson
23/7/2019 05:36:12 pm

A great tale of officialdom gone mad, Maddy The reason it makes us laugh is that things like this don’t happen to “law abiding” white middle class people. I suspect those who are young, Aboriginal, homeless, poor or people of colour are quite familiar with this sort of treatment from officialdom. Innocent mistake or “wrong place, wrong time” wouldn’t cut it for them. Anyway happy travels you two. No doubt the NT police have been told to look out for you.

Reply
Jeannie Haughton
2/8/2019 05:28:48 pm

My husband travels the country far and wide, and the quarantine stations cause many gutsing sessions where as much fruit as possible is eaten by the group before they bin their hoards. Planning and previous experience means they often have a quarantine curry the night before. Everyone's veggies in the pot for cooking, eating and refrigeration. There have even been exchanges of honey and other products to travellers going in the opposite direction so as not to break the rules. Such is the general respect for protecting the country and industries. But you have to laugh at this bureaucracy-gone-mad official. Perhaps he'd just been bitten by a bull ant! OR on payment by quota

Reply



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